![]() never mind that the playboys of this world will put themselves forward without a second thought. so when you saw your dream job, instead of jumping at the chance, you figured you wouldn’t get a second look. the ghosts you thought you’d banished came floating back. who knew you were so insecure? you had seen those articles, how women psych themselves out, but you never thought they were talking about you. wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to be a badass? FAT BLACK PERFORMANCE AAAAARRRRRRT! wasn’t that you? from windflower to wallflower in two seconds flat, a knee-jerk response. you just doubted they would give it to you. To be fair, it wasn’t that you didn’t think you could actually do the job. everyone would already know that art-making was completely impractical and urgent, and you wouldn’t ever have to convince anyone of its value again. Remember your double take when you first saw the ad? it all seemed so lovely, teaching writing! and whatever else you wanted! literature! performance! black feminism! at an art school! no more acting for leadership or presentations on the secret practicality of art-making-the secret would be out. especially when there’s a chance for joy. even though it’s california, so far away, so expensive, so full of health nuts, movie stars, skinny people, and traffic, plus there’s your whole driving thing, so what? who cares about all that? stop trying to talk yourself out of your own greatness. you don’t have a million books yet like naomi long madgett (rest in power, detroit poetry goddess) or a streaming television series adapted from swallow the fish that will make artsy nerds of all races, classes, and genders cry out with love and wonder at the screen (coming soon! hit me up if you want to finance this), but that doesn’t mean you should second-guess your worthiness. okay, it’s true you’re not a household name. you could say the déjà vu started as another response to a call. ![]() The black feminist performance artist in performance still Welcome to flashback season, or should i say welcome back to the feeling of been here or maybe been that beforeĭouble consciousness, double negatives double dreams, double time The déjà vu is like that, the you doubling back as me Like in the magicians, when alice asked the black man in jail with the salt-and-pepper beard if he was santa claus and he answered, well i have, i have got problems with that name, but i’m not not that This is to say when you tell your sister yolaine that the name of your next book is the déjà vu and she laughs and says, herman says, isn’t the déjà vu a strip club in ypsilanti? herman is her husband, and we won’t get into how he and his brothers might know about this club, you just laugh and say back The déjà vu is not not a strip club in ypsilanti ![]()
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